In Honor of The King.

"Michael is quite amazing to me... it's an innate gift that he has. He is a dancer in his soul."

- Michael Peters (choreographer on Beat It & Thriller)

& Thriller...

RIP my hero. It has been one year since you passed. But I will -- along with countless millions always love you. Thank you for your incomparable gift which you so lovingly gave the world.

To Our Beloved Gulf.

"Our love is our art."

- John Lennon.

I dedicate this blog to John Lennon and to our beloved Gulf. May John's dream of peace spread to all of the living beings and wildlife in the gulf and protect them from this war called the BP oil spill.

I heart the zoo.

"I love acting, but it's much more fun taking the kids to the zoo."
- Nicole Kidman 

Today I took the morning off and journeyed to the zoo with two of my friends who happen to be young moms -- and so, I did just what Nicole loves. I went to the zoo.

How about you, you, you? I'm going to the zoo, zoo, zoo! (If you've ever babysat you know this song, if not -- your days are coming -- you too shall be humming this tune!)

We met around 9:15 am -- I even rescheduled a morning audition -- and we hopped into the Lexus SUV and off we traveled to the Los Angeles Zoo.

Now, keep in mind that I have been living in this city for over 8 years and I have never been to the zoo. Not once. I adore the San Diego Zoo.

And I absolutely love animals. And especially after having adopted Gatsby over 3 years ago, I feel that Gatsby is every animal. And the truth is -- I believe that this is the point of life. That we see whom we love in everyone. This was, we love as much and as many people as possible. 

So, when I looked at the kangaroo as it lay there in the sun, it looked like Gatsby resting in the courtyard.

And the lion sidled up against the wall could've been Gatsby sidling up against the bathroom door when he follows me in when I shower.

When the little "pig bull" was his translated name and the name that meant "pig bull" eludes me, but when the baby was racing around its mother and running as if it were taking a crucial part in some invisible race, he totally reminded me of Gatsby especially when he was first let off leash at the LACMA grounds. He'd race around and around as if he would win an award for his speed.

We ate lunch on picnic tables, which we'd packed this morning or last night. I ate barefoot.

We watched camps of children with their camp names on their bright t-shirts, glaring proudly in the morning sun. We watched a bill goat-esque animal atop a mountain pee for what seemed like ten minutes. 

I bought some pens at the gift shop. I watched a chimp spoon a smaller chimp, then pick his nose and his bum and continue spooning...

It was breezy and sunny and the zoo was clean and friendly and each animal had a well-informed sign that helped us all along in our understanding of it.

A giraffe's neck is roughly 8 feet long, for example. And the chimpanzees are now on the endangered species list.

But, it was the kind of morning that I never quite knew I could have in Los Angeles. We walked through a zoo in the beautiful Griffith Park and we saw all kinds of people -- granted most of them were wearing camp t-shirts -- and we got to see beautiful and unique and playful and sleepy and fast and peeing and spooning animals and they inspired me.

I felt like -- wow. I need this more often. I need to break up my days. With nature. And animals. And the great outdoors. And that it's okay to be away. To discover new things. I am not going to miss anything by being away. By seeing what else is out there. By spending time doing things I love -- things that I usually save to do when I am "away" on vacation.

What if we made our homes into a vacation? 

Our cities were ours to excavate?

And so... my dear blades, this is what I was thinking this morning.

That I took a day away -- at least part of a day. And I loved it. Utterly loved it.

I loved all the animals. It's kind of like Arthur Miller says in All My Sons. I walked around feeling like, these are all of our animals.

Each and every one of them.

And any artist, truly -- any human being, can learn from these animals.

How they move and relate to one another. 

Beautiful.

Wild.

Rare.

And thus, my little blades, on this note, I am off to bed... For a beautiful, wild and rare night of sleep.

Hehe.

Things are moving along quite magically. There are still areas where I am excited to have movement. But alas, I am moving along.

Excitedly. Details on my movie to come.

I hope you all take a trip to the zoo this summer -- after all, what is a summer for if not to visit a zoo and remember what it feels like a have a carefree day with a packed lunch and a sense of awe?

Take a trip. You'll be thrilled you did.

Love to you all... Always.

And the thing is, the kids are still so little, so they liked it too -- but when asked what were their favorite animals we saw all day as we headed back to the car, Kai said, "monkeys!" and Baxter exclaimed, "elephants!" Neither of which we saw today. Zoiks.

In my own time.

"It's funny -- the harder I work, the luckier I seem to get."

- Thomas Jefferson.

Today the world felt small -- in that warm chocolate chip cookies with milk after school sense. Like the best old friends were all clamoring around you and you find yourself singing Jesse's Girl in your beetle while driving along the Pacific Coast Highway with all the joy that a baby feels when its mother reaches for him or her. Like -- the world is ahhhh... And then, you sigh.

And yes, the world is okay. The sea is glistening alongside your drive and your sunroof is partly open, your windows down, no emailing, no texting, no one in the car with you. Just a drive... The kind of drive you crave when you first get your license. Open roads, hills and canyons and the sun perched in the evening sky -- the longest day of the year. 

And you are with the talent agency you started with when you were a kid. William Morris. (Though it is now connected to Endeavor. But still :) You are booking jobs left and right. Just like you did when you were starting out.

You have great relationships with your agents. They get you. Thank God you left those old agents. Listened to yourself. What this experience has taught you is that you should merely listen to yourself earlier and not prolong the pain, so to speak.

Your instincts are razor sharp and when you listen to them, it's like you are listening to the wind. To a mourning bird in a tree, to the sound of Gatsby "wookie-ing" to grab his toy from your grip and wagging his tail, smiling.

You know. You trust yourself.

And today, it was one of those days -- when I auditioned this morning, I loved being there. I came home and had an inspired phone meeting. I walked Gatsby.

And then... I went to, drove to, see my dear friend Lorelei in the hospital. I met her baby boy who was born yesterday, Bodhi. And he was perfect. He looked like one of those Persian desserts -- that pistachio taffy that is soaked in rose water. Perfect body. Beautiful hair atop his head.

Lorelei is my oldest friend in Los Angeles -- I met her when The Diary of Anne Frank ended its Broadway run in New York. And she has manifested endless miracles in her life. I will have to dedicate an entire blog to her one of these nights... Talk about inspiring! She dreamt of little babies and a doting husband and a lovely home and a happy life when I met her. And she has all of them/it. I LOVE being around her. She is magic.

But, before I left for the hospital all the way out in Tarzana, I got an email from my accountant at WME telling me that my radio spot had been lifted into TV and I already had a check waiting. And -- that brought a smile to my face!

I got an email from one of my VO agents at WME -- so respectful and appreciative of me. My other VO agent called me to check in. The other two emailed me about my cartoon -- and getting me paid. And my on-camera agent got me the perfect audition tomorrow!

This -- my dear blades -- is when you know you are listening to yourself, when you are on the right track. When you are "in it." When you are in the sugar.

This is the best I have felt about my place in this LA industry since I began acting out here 6 years ago.

Because these people are reflections of how I feel about me. When you attract great people, then you alas are in a great place.

I have a lawyer lined up whom I truly like. Intelligent and from NYC. (Like him already!)

And the next step, is to acquire a talent agent and a literary agent. But alas -- since I began blogging this January -- was it? -- this is BIG movement.

And what I have been finding is that more than anything, I am feeling two things: gratitude and the desire to be my very best.

And so... the quote tonight. I was emailing with Bekah today about our movie -- and I am going to work to make it the very best it can be. To put me into it. To make it extraordinary.

How lucky am I do be able to do this?

"Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality."

- Walter Matthau.

And it's perfect because I have worked really hard to get this -- and "this" isn't even here yet. But -- fear not, my little blades, I am on my way! And as I was driving today, I was thinking about timing and how our culture always praises those to whom "it" happens fast -- at the age of __, he was able to.... She __  at the age of __! 

And I thought of my Dad who sent me a card and was congratulating me and saying something like "Finally" and "You deserve it after all of your hard work" And a girlfriend texted something similar to me after I told her of my recent success -- but I believe with every molecule in my body that NOW is PERFECT. And that there is a perfect reason that everything in my life is happening now.

I will be inspire millions and break glass ceilings because of my timing. Inspire as many women  -- and men -- as possible.

And so can you, my little blades. By honoring your timing. I've often thought that if I ever wrote an autobiography, I'd call it: In My Own Time. Because everything I have ever done in my life -- of which I am proud -- was accomplished in my own unique time.

And unique is the word.

For alllll of my little blades.

If you are reading, trust me, you are unique. You want to grow and to be inspired and to be happy and successful. To live your life to the fullest. To "suck the marrow" out of it, as Thoreau once demanded of us.

And on this note, one little beast neeeds her sleeeep.

But I beg of you my little blades that you dream your widest dreams tonight and please know that tucked within your hearts are all the answers -- and that in time, in your own time, they will all be revealed.

And you shall be married and have babies and act and sing and run and climb and travel and write and play all in your own time.

No need to rush or to be scared or anxious. Only time to love and to be grateful. To be first-rate versions of ourselves, as Audrey once said. For this is how we shall change this hurting world, one little blade at a time. If we honor our time and our guts and if we work hard -- the "luck" as Jefferson called it, shall come.

And now my shower and then my bed shall come. Or rather I shall go to my shower and then bed. Hehe. But please know all of you that I believe in you as you do me. It's reflexive, you see. (a poet!)

I send love to each and every blade of you... Always.

Yellow.

"If you really want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling. Be an audience." Tallulah Bankhead 

And today I was, Tallulah, and it was riveting. If you little blades happen to be in Los Angeles, you MUST go see YELLOW (ever so ironically highlighted in red) at The Coast Playhouse at 8325 Santa Monica Boulevard.

My super talented and beautiful cousin Jason Dottley produced it and his husband, Del Shores wrote and directed it.

It is utterly poignant, hilarious, complex, and original.

My dear friend Matthew Scott Montgomery stars in it and he is full of charm, he doesn't even know where to put it all.

I believe that it is running for at least another month.

And if you have ever had any doubts about Los Angeles theatre, go and see this show! It will move you.

I went with my friend Caroline White and we left glowing...

I had to hold in my tears at points because I was afraid I would actually guffaw and bother my fellow movie-goers.

And sometimes I was laughing hysterically -- and a lot of the time with both theater and TV -- and actually throw in movies, I find myself staring blank-faced at the screen, forgetting that I am "supposed to laugh."

The truth is, all of the actors are perfectly cast, committed to their roles, they work so effortlessly and happily together, the set design is outstanding and the direction by Del Shores has clearly given the actors a lot of room to grow and move and express themselves, let go!

Wow.

What a ride. I am thrilled that I saw this show. I needed to see something great.

And alas, I did.

Now, it is time to be great. Here is to shining up my movie. To my TV show this fall, and to stirring theater with Little Beast.

I hope all of you little blades inhabiting Los Angeles will go out together and see this show. It will inspire you.

And for those of you beyond Los Angeles, find a great show in your town, and take yourself, take a friend, or your wife, your brother -- whomever it may be. But -- go, The summer (almost!) is the ideal time to be reminded of how beautiful theater is. And how great theater sinks into our skin and we breathe differently after having lived in other people's lives for two hours.

I am shining still.

May you all take yourselves to the theater this week -- or next -- and remind yourselves of why you got into this business in the first place. Because, I honestly believe, that when theater is great -- there is nothing better.

Love... Always.

Best Ending To a Novel.

And as I sat there, brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out Daisy's light at the end of his dock. He had come such a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close he could hardly fail to grasp it. But what he did not know was that it was already behind him, somewhere in the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther... And one fine morning ——
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

A little bed time story for my little blades... Dream sweet, sweet dreams. And I send you all love... always.

The Psychic & The Venture Capitalists.

"Meeting Franklin Roosevelt was like opening your first bottle of champagne; knowing him was like drinking it."
- Winston Churchill 

I feel as if I've just opened two bottles of champagne. Well, my little blades, this is the story of the psychic and the venture capitalists.

Today was the first day that I admittedly returned emails, thought business thoughts and felt like a woman who'd landed in Los Angeles.

And thus, since signing with WME for VO, I am almost daily trotting off to Beverly Hills for my auditions. And today I thought, I am going to treat myself to a salad at La Scala. And so, I did. I parked in BH's beloved Free Two Hour Parking. And I asked a cleverly dressed older gentleman where Canon was and before I knew it, I was sitting down to a caesar salad and an iced tea. With a basket of yummy freshly baked bread.

Next to me were two older gentlemen, also nicely dressed -- and looking as if they were "money men," not "industry men." It's funny how you can sniff the difference.

I pulled out an Entertainment Weekly that I'd lifted from WME and began my quiet lunch.

When I opened the magazine to a page featuring Mariah Carey twenty years ago, the older man sitting beside me asked if the picture of the girl in the magazine was me. I'm still not sure if he was kidding or if he really believed it or if he was just trying to strike up conversation.

But alas, I heard myself saying, I will be in magazines soon. But not as a pop star.

Which led to more questions from him -- and from his friend. Turns out his name was Charlie.

They are venture capitalists at a company called Trafalgar Holdings in Beverly Hills. And they were fascinating. Charlie used to fly B51 Bombers for fun -- they both have pilot licenses. And the other one bought a series of planes.

They told me about the WASP -- which was American women fighter pilots, a little known band of patriotic, brave American women who literally flew into the center of battle during World War II.

They asked about me. What did I do. And I told them -- of my book deal and my forthcoming TV show. I told of my theater company -- LITTLE BEAST.

They said, It is wonderful to see a young person who is an entrepreneur. 

I felt so enlivened. Because I have always admired entrepreneurs and one of my best friends, Robbie Naddelman is a very successful entrepreneur, and I have read up SO much on them. And yet -- all this time, I never thought of myself as one.

And I am.

The truth is, I have created all of my success thus far. All of my meetings, my opportunities, the plays, the newspaper column, the kids books, the truth is -- all of it has come from my imagination. My path has not been exactly conventional. Though it has been inspired.  Original. And hopefully the more success I accrue, my story with its uniqueness will inspire many.

So... here I am at La Scala on Canon with my soggy caesar salad -- I had to order a new one, it was blech! And two older gentlemen met me and found me to be an entrepreneur.

And so I am.

Huh.

It is fascinating how sometimes total strangers can read what our closest can or do not. Meaning ourselves.

Sometimes I feel as if I am sitting at a beautiful table full of colorful, rich, delicious foods and I am just not sure which to eat first, which to combine, which to wait for, which to look over, which to return to and devour. Like I wanted to when I first lay my eyes upon it.

But -- when I turn my eyes towards -- when I look inside of me, and listen to my inner voice, when I hear these men calling me an entrepreneur, I think -- well, that is what we do. Risk takers. People who blaze their own trails. We think and act instinctively. We listen to our guts. We fall down and pick ourselves up heroically. And this goes for every artist. For every human being who is living a dream, about to live a dream, working towards living a dream.

These men saw it. And I spoke it. And it is real. I am what I say I am. 

I think, therefore I am.

And speaking of thinking something and it immediately being real, last night I went to a benefit event for SFK -- Spiritual For Kids. And my friend Lucy Walsh and I stood in line to talk to the psychic. And I was a little nervous -- because I have never done this sort of thing. But, I thought -- I am going to listen. And I feel great, so whatever she says, I will listen and accept what I know to be true. I know where I am, where I am heading -- as do you all who have been wilding along the path this year with me -- and so, the truth will be seen.

I entered the tent. I sat down and she told me to tell her two wishes out loud and to keep one to myself.

And so I did.

I told her -- I want to be known as one of the greatest actresses and writers of my generation.

And I want to meet the love of my life and be with him forever and have a family with him.

And then, I kept one to myself.

She had a bright smile and a roundish body as she sat there, candles flickering, sitting across from me.

She told me what I knew. What I knew to be true.

My eyes watered. I hugged her before I left. She gace me her email and number.

Her insights came easily to her and she expressed them as easily as they came.

She told me, in so many words:

1. You are going to be very successful and it is going to keep getting better and better. You are going to look back at even now and not believe where you are going to be at the end of this year. You will wonder why you ever spent a moment worrying. So many doors are opening for me.

2. You are going to meet this great man that you speak of -- he does exist and he is as great as you believe he will be. And anyone who tells you differently is just jealous. He is that great, she said.

3. You will be entering a whole new phase -- all new beginnings. She said there were people who were taking advantage of me. They saw my potential. I will have new friends.

4. She said the pain I had in the past is in the past. It will not be in the future.

5. She said I will be reconnecting with family members and special people with whom I had disconnected.

She said, keep smiling that big smile.

And between the venture capitalists and the psychic, I felt completely... Hmmm. Completely what? Reinforced. Understood. Like I had a once invisible team out there -- two older money men who'd flown fast planes and one young psychic who knew things that were inexplicable.

Magic.

A different kind than my trip back east. Very.

But -- now is the time that I open the bottles of champagne and toast to new things. To growing up. To being a woman. A successful, prosperous, family woman who is about to be a star.

And so... on this note, I wish for all of my blades the same. That you too are recognized for your dreams of greatness, for who you are going to be and for who you are exactly today -- which are very much one and the same. In other words, if time and space are illusions, then we already are what we will be.

And if you can dream it, you can be it.

So, my little blades, be great, great things.

Our generation needs a Winston Churchill. An FDR. A dreamer whose dreams will transform the world. At least a part of it.

Let us all be bold. Be brave. Be unique. Blaze a trail for those alongside us and for those to come.

I know that I have been opening some bottles of champagne for the last two years almost -- and now, it is time to drink.

Let us imbibe together.

And on that celebratory note, I send you all, all blades near and far... Love... Always.