Tuesday, June 22, 2010

In my own time.

"It's funny -- the harder I work, the luckier I seem to get."
- Thomas Jefferson.

Today the world felt small -- in that warm chocolate chip cookies with milk after school sense. Like the best old friends were all clamoring around you and you find yourself singing Jesse's Girl in your beetle while driving along the Pacific Coast Highway with all the joy that a baby feels when its mother reaches for him or her. Like -- the world is ahhhh... And then, you sigh.

And yes, the world is okay. The sea is glistening alongside your drive and your sunroof is partly open, your windows down, no emailing, no texting, no one in the car with you. Just a drive... The kind of drive you crave when you first get your license. Open roads, hills and canyons and the sun perched in the evening sky -- the longest day of the year. 

And you are with the talent agency you started with when you were a kid. William Morris. (Though it is now connected to Endeavor. But still :) You are booking jobs left and right. Just like you did when you were starting out.

You have great relationships with your agents. They get you. Thank God you left those old agents. Listened to yourself. What this experience has taught you is that you should merely listen to yourself earlier and not prolong the pain, so to speak.

Your instincts are razor sharp and when you listen to them, it's like you are listening to the wind. To a mourning bird in a tree, to the sound of Gatsby "wookie-ing" to grab his toy from your grip and wagging his tail, smiling.

You know. You trust yourself.

And today, it was one of those days -- when I auditioned this morning, I loved being there. I came home and had an inspired phone meeting. I walked Gatsby.

And then... I went to, drove to, see my dear friend Lorelei in the hospital. I met her baby boy who was born yesterday, Bodhi. And he was perfect. He looked like one of those Persian desserts -- that pistachio taffy that is soaked in rose water. Perfect body. Beautiful hair atop his head.

Lorelei is my oldest friend in Los Angeles -- I met her when The Diary of Anne Frank ended its Broadway run in New York. And she has manifested endless miracles in her life. I will have to dedicate an entire blog to her one of these nights... Talk about inspiring! She dreamt of little babies and a doting husband and a lovely home and a happy life when I met her. And she has all of them/it. I LOVE being around her. She is magic.

But, before I left for the hospital all the way out in Tarzana, I got an email from my accountant at WME telling me that my radio spot had been lifted into TV and I already had a check waiting. And -- that brought a smile to my face!

I got an email from one of my VO agents at WME -- so respectful and appreciative of me. My other VO agent called me to check in. The other two emailed me about my cartoon -- and getting me paid. And my on-camera agent got me the perfect audition tomorrow!

This -- my dear blades -- is when you know you are listening to yourself, when you are on the right track. When you are "in it." When you are in the sugar.

This is the best I have felt about my place in this LA industry since I began acting out here 6 years ago.

Because these people are reflections of how I feel about me. When you attract great people, then you alas are in a great place.

I have a lawyer lined up whom I truly like. Intelligent and from NYC. (Like him already!)

And the next step, is to acquire a talent agent and a literary agent. But alas -- since I began blogging this January -- was it? -- this is BIG movement.

And what I have been finding is that more than anything, I am feeling two things: gratitude and the desire to be my very best.

And so... the quote tonight. I was emailing with Bekah today about our movie -- and I am going to work to make it the very best it can be. To put me into it. To make it extraordinary.

How lucky am I do be able to do this?

"Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality."
- Walter Matthau.

And it's perfect because I have worked really hard to get this -- and "this" isn't even here yet. But -- fear not, my little blades, I am on my way! And as I was driving today, I was thinking about timing and how our culture always praises those to whom "it" happens fast -- at the age of __, he was able to.... She __  at the age of __! 

And I thought of my Dad who sent me a card and was congratulating me and saying something like "Finally" and "You deserve it after all of your hard work" And a girlfriend texted something similar to me after I told her of my recent success -- but I believe with every molecule in my body that NOW is PERFECT. And that there is a perfect reason that everything in my life is happening now.

I will be inspire millions and break glass ceilings because of my timing. Inspire as many women  -- and men -- as possible.

And so can you, my little blades. By honoring your timing. I've often thought that if I ever wrote an autobiography, I'd call it: In My Own Time. Because everything I have ever done in my life -- of which I am proud -- was accomplished in my own unique time.

And unique is the word.

For alllll of my little blades.

If you are reading, trust me, you are unique. You want to grow and to be inspired and to be happy and successful. To live your life to the fullest. To "suck the marrow" out of it, as Thoreau once demanded of us.

And on this note, one little beast neeeds her sleeeep.

But I beg of you my little blades that you dream your widest dreams tonight and please know that tucked within your hearts are all the answers -- and that in time, in your own time, they will all be revealed.

And you shall be married and have babies and act and sing and run and climb and travel and write and play all in your own time.

No need to rush or to be scared or anxious. Only time to love and to be grateful. To be first-rate versions of ourselves, as Audrey once said. For this is how we shall change this hurting world, one little blade at a time. If we honor our time and our guts and if we work hard -- the "luck" as Jefferson called it, shall come.

And now my shower and then my bed shall come. Or rather I shall go to my shower and then bed. Hehe. But please know all of you that I believe in you as you do me. It's reflexive, you see. (a poet!)

I send love to each and every blade of you... Always.

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