Friday, April 30, 2010

Babrix with Jes & Jade.

"Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things."
 ~Author Unknown

Tonight's blog is dedicated to Jesika and Jade, two of my dearest friends with whom I shared a glass of wine and a bit of bread and some yummy salads and all of our souls fell out across the table as we ate and drank and were merry.

We sat beneath a canopy at Babrix in Silverlake and we had a lovely, lovely time.

I am eternally grateful to have these two beautiful friends along with me as we all journey through the kaleidoscope of our colorful, colorful dreams.

I left a busy busy day behind me, my mind was spinning, my body was in overdrive, my dog was awaiting my return, I'd zoomed through my to do list, walked my 3 mile walk, worked my 4.5 hours on the West Side and drove across town to see my friends. And the moment I came to sit down with them, I followed their laughter and knew where they were sitting. I was at once calm.

And reminded, as Elton John sang, How wonderful life is now you're in the world.


We have our to do lists -- also known as our want to do lists -- but we must always remember that without our friends, these lists are mere sheets of paper with ink. Our friends make our lives mean something.


And so, to Jesika and Jade, and all of you little blades out there, reading along, thank you for taking my cyber-hand and running along the yellow brick road with me. May you enjoy this song as it is dedicated to all of you...


Thank you for being in my world.


Love... Always.


Thursday, April 29, 2010

Elia's Miracle.

"Every picture that is successful has one little miracle in it." Eliza Kazan.





Here's to the MAGIC in my movie, Elia. Because you soooo clearly knew how to create magic in your classic movies. (I am renting On The Waterfront this week -- I've never seen it! Sooo excited!!!) And for a taste of what my magic will be... here is my monologue, Passing The Time Morgan Freeman saw and called me about. Glowing. I apologize if you've seen it on the blog before... But -- after having read Elia's words about what makes a great movie, I just had to add it again.

I wish all of my little blades a lovely night and morning -- most likely morning when you awake and read this.

I love you and am eternally grateful for all of your love and support.

I wish for MAGIC for all of you.

Love... Always.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I believe in you.

"I have so much love to give, I just don't know where to put it."
- William H. Macy (as Donnie Smith)in Magnolia.

This is my favorite movie line. Vulnerable and honest and heartbreaking.

And exactly how I feel sometimes -- as an actress who is bursting to work and has sooo much passion built up inside of me, I sometimes don't know where to put it. 

And so, when I heard this line in Magnolia a few years ago, I was struck by how perfect it is. I think we've all felt this way before. And I think that especially in a city as promising and at times hollow as this one, it is easy to sometimes feel like what you have to share -- your love -- goes somewhere inside of you, or to a friend, or to your dog, or to your Dad, or boyfriend, or journal, or to a facebook friend -- but it needs an outlet because unless you are working, the love does not know where to go. It kind of just hangs there, looking for a home.

Yet, when I am working -- my love immediately has someplace to go and even when I am so busy working and sometimes overwhelmed with it all, I always know where to put my love. On the stage, in rehearsal, I give it to an audience, when I'm on TV, I give it to the surrounding crew and into the camera and then out to millions and millions of people, on a movie, or even in this web series I am shooting, I know exactly where to put my love and so, for those few moments or hours even, my love has a home.

On Sunday, I had my first meeting with my Little Beast Theatre Company and Kevin, one of our writer members, was talking about the purpose Little Beast can serve, which is to provide a community in this city which can feel so lonely or when you feel like your dreams are broken pieces of glass on the sidewalk and you hurt your own tender foot with them. Shards of you.

And since that last line sounded like a Jewel line, what I mean to say is that when I lived in New York, I always felt surrounded by community. And here, I always feel the aching need for it. And I have lovely friends and my neighbors are wonderful as well -- intelligent, generous people.

But a community of artists where we can go and read for one another, put up shows, support one another -- this is a place to put the love.

And lately, admittedly, my little blades, I have been feeling a bit betwixt. A bit like -- how much longer can I pursue this acting career without wanting to give up? How many times can I be an almost star? How many times can I invest myself so deeply and come sooo chillingly close only to return home with outstanding feedback and still driving my Volkswagen Beetle.

Zoiks.

But on a day like today where I sat with my friend Kevin and opened up my heart in Farmer's Market and then on a day when I later called my friend Bitsie and shared with her as well and then I laughed with my neighbors telling tales of people who've lived in The Castle over the years, where I last night called Amy and got sooo much love from her.

And today, when I tweeted about perseverance and one of my new twitter friends emailed me because he said that this talk didn't sound like his Phoenix, as I've called myself.

Well, my little blades, on this day, I knew where to put it. Because all of you -- even little Harrison, the boy whom I tutor, all of you listened and all of you cared.

And all of you reassured me. When I was feeling like throwing in my towel -- contemplating throwing it in.

Like Rocky -- I was going to run up the steps and stop right before the top.

And then, Kevin looked me in the eye right in front of my Volkswagen in the parking lot after lunch, and he said quite simply,

I believe in you.

And I picked myself up and I am running up the steps again. This Rocky is keeping the faith. After all, I have come sooo far.

And I just know that there is a brilliant career waiting for me. That only I can fulfill. That only I can laugh and cry and inspire in.

I know this much to be true, Oprah.

And so, thank you, my little blades, for looking out for me. I feel you.

And I hope that you all know that I feel you all too. And I send you love. May you always know where to put it. 

Love... Always.


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Audrey & Love.

“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.”
- Audrey Hepburn.

Audrey, I feel the exact same way. I always say I must've been held a lot as a kid. And as I grow up and older, I am more and more excited to share my affection. To give love. As I have received so much thus far.

Anyway, I am in the midst of taxes tonight. And so -- this is going to be sweet and short. 

But what I want to leave you all with tonight is this -- love as much as you can while you are here.

This is the point of the whole journey -- I am sure of it. 

And through our art, we can love the most. The deepest. The truest. The most passionately. And by that, I mean what John Lennon said,

"Our love is out art."

As it is Sunday and as I have met with the beginnings of my theater company for our first meeting. I have chatted with my neighbor Zaid in the courtyard. And thrown a ropey toy thing to Gatsby while intermittently taking bites of my dinner and sitting on the castle steps, I have been feeling and thinking -- love, love, love.

When I meditate and scan the words every morning and night, I am thinking love.

I was just reading what Audrey said -- another quotes of hers where she said she never expected much from life and she got so much more than she ever imagined. That things came to her. And my dear friend Jade often says the same thing -- and the thing is, Jade gives so much love. And Audrey did too - you can see it in her work.

And I am reminding myself on a Sunday night when I hear the water flowing in the very pretty fountain outside my window, water is life. And life is love. And what else is there?

So... always with my work and in asking a favour or granting one to a friend or walking Gatsby or meeting with an agent, a casting director, reading my movie and making this dream come true -- love, love, love.

And on this note, think on this, my little blades. That when we are nervous or unsure -- come from a honest place -- a loving place. And from love. And this will take away all doubt and fear.

I am reminding myself as I remind you all out there.

When picking up the phone or sending out an email or even texting or mailing a card (some of us still do!) love is always the intention.

As actors, writers artists, parents -- whatever we may be -- if our intention is love, then we will always win. Even if we can not see it right away -- I know for myself that when I enter a meeting with a feeling of love or when I go on stage or when I audition or when I send a letter or write a page in my book, this is where I start. And getting out of our own egos to love another is the only way to happiness.

I am sure of this.

I am SO thrilled to share this. Me. With another. 

Yay.

And on this note, my beloved blades...

Love tonight -- yourself first -- kind of like how you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before the child next to you -- and then go for it.

I guarantee that if you come fro an honest place of love, you will never go wrong. 

Love... Always.

How I feel at this moment in my life!!!

Sly, Orson & The Ball of Yarn.

"Once in one's life, for one mortal moment, one must make a grab for immortality; if not, one has not lived."
- Sylvester Stallone 



"A film is never really good unless the camera is an eye in the head of a poet."
- Orson Welles.
I am thinking about Orson as my movie nears -- because it is the eye in the head of the poet that we need in film again. I have been renting a lot of old movies these days and watching Meryl and Dustin and Kevin Kline and Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty and James Dean and Dennis Hopper -- all of the classic actors who lit up the screen with their naked emotion, their realness...

And I especially LOVE American Cinema in the 1970's. I love how that period felt so fresh and stylish and the music was like water pouring over the scenes -- giving them life.

The stories were juicy and the actors were stretched and they had to work at their craft and there was MAGIC.

And of course, I know that there still is... I have seen movies lately where I have felt magic in the performances -- where I get that feeling as I watch it like, this is a classic already.

But, the truth is -- we NEED as artists to write our own material and put our movies together to get that lovin' feeling back, as the song goes...

We need to have the courage that Sylvester Stallone had when we arrived in LA at the age of 31 with a wife and baby and no money to his name and insisted that he sell Rocky only if he were the lead. He didn't settle. He insisted.

And what a difference that movie made. I think we all feel that theme in our heads when we're running up steps or doing the seemingly impossible. When we feel like David to some Goliath in our heads. Because the Goliath that gnaws at us is almost always in our heads -- not in the world around us.

And I for one -- I am SO inspired that Bekah is writing a movie for me. That someone is creating my star vehicle in Natalie's words. Because I remember first moving out here and hiking Runyan (of course!) and thinking about my movie -- which was a thought at that point. And I just knew I had one inside of me, but I didn't know what it was about. I just knew that I had one.

And now -- Bekah is writing away and I am consulting with her and giving her ideas and dreaming up my own ideas for it. Ashton has given us some ideas. And Jon Sheinberg has consulted us. And on Wednesday, when I met with Peter Benedek, the head of UTA, he confirmed my instinct about the end of the movie -- that felt great!

And so -- listening to ourselves and following our guts -- even when people may say we are up against the world or that might take a long time or that everyone is doing what we are doing or all of those questions that people may throw at us -- or worse yet -- all those questions we may throw at ourselves,  follow your gut. Not your fear, which doubts. But your gut, that knows.

I had dinner tonight at Toi on Sunset with my friend Sarah before seeing our other friend Jennifer in a super fun Sketch Comedy Show and she was saying that I completely agree with. (dangling modifier -- sorry, Mom!) 

She said that she and her best friend have this idea about who we are, that we are who we are -- our core -- since we are young. Say 12 years old.

Sarah and her friend use the metaphor of a ball of yarn. That our core is the center of the yarn that we begin to wrap around as we get older.

And so, in the beginning we are the tightest core of the yarn and then, as the years go by the yarn keeps tying around that core, protecting us, protecting what is truly us. But we remain that center -- that juicy part, that part that begins the whole ball of yarn.

And I feel that way too. I am in many ways that same girl I was at twelve. Same brown eyes and strong arms, same ambition and creative spirit. Same desire to met everyone, strike up a conversation with nearly everyone. (Most popular in the yearbook in 8th grade -- all downhill since then :) And yet -- as I was saying to Sarah tonight, I am beginning to realize my dreams at that age. Writing my books and starring in movies and a delectable sitcom!!! All coming true... And tonight on the radio, the dj was talking about some young wife calling in about her husband and how much she loves him and that they were in the hot tub and I was like, aaaaaaaahhhhhh. That sounds nice.

But they are indeed all happening.

Sylvestor Stallone and The Eye in the head of the poet & Sarah's Ball of Yarn.

Sweet things to think on as I drift off to sleep... Inspiring me to:

1. Honor the girl I once was at twelve.
2. Make my movie with a vision. Like a poet.
3. And like Sly, star in it, make my own history.

Ahhhh... I shall dream of a hot tub and a lovely man by my side.

5 things:
1. Emailing a link to a great actor with whom I am going to work -- to give him ideas for his show.
2. Emailed VO agent in NYC to thank him for LA referral.
3. Meeting tomorrow for my Little Beast Theater Company, planning that out.
4. Prepping my package d/o for UTA Peter
5. Wild Card -- I have to think something up to stretch myself!

Get out there, you little blades, and push your dreams into the sun. It is TIME.

Let's be Slys and Orsons and Balls of the greatest yarn.

Love... Always.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Being Your Word.

"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent."
Dr.Seuss, Horton Hatches the Egg


Tonight this blogger is going out for an hour and then back home with her dear friend, Jesika. But what I have been truly truly thinking about lately is how much it means to people when you keep your word with them.

If you say you are going to their party and then, you go. Or if you say you are going to class and then, you go.

And these principles seem so simple -- but alas, it's always the seemingly simple principles that are the hardest to attain and to consistently act on.

And this week has been quite a busy one -- with some meetings and plans to meet for next week. I have gotten right back on track when I felt that I was beginning to slip a bit. And I owe much of this to my beloved teacher, Shalom -- for it was he was reminded me to a. focus on my acting. That I am an actor and I need to express myself beyond writing. b. to ask for help (from more people) -- in other words, to push it. to push myself.

And thus... Here I am!

I am pushing yet again and putting myself out there and fighting to good fight.

And getting some great results.

Happily.

Ready to be a classic. Ready to do it NOW.

It's funny because Shalom was saying in class the other night that we don't always need to be preparing to prepare -- we need to put ourselves out there and not obsess over things -- but rather do them. There is life in the doing. There is LOVE in the doing.

And so... tonight, I am going to a friend's party because I said I would. (Even though I could sleep now -- hehe.) And I am taking meetings and reaching out and reminding myself that it's not all about being perfect -- or preparing to prepare. Rather, life is about being our word -- most importantly to ourselves. That is we say we are going to do something, we do. Because it means something to us. Because we are the ones whose hearts are at stake.

Because we are the elephants, the Hortons sitting on that tree of dreams and when what we wish for has flown away -- what we think we need and we feel lonely and cold and we wonder, seriously, wonder why we are clinging to this branch -- because we gave our word and we are our word -- and we wanna just jump off the branch, forget our word, and leave it all behind -- suddenly a baby appears -- and the baby might be a metaphor for our dreams -- the fruit of our dreams. And we remember why we are there, what we have created. From love. And our word.

And then... it all makes sense. We have "hatched the egg" so to speak.

We are close, my little blades, soooo close.

Let's hold onto our branches and look towards the skies. Our dreams are nearly landing.

This weekend, I am 

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Happy Earth Day, Whoopi!

"I am the American Dream. I am the epitome of what the American Dream basically said. It said, you could come from anywhere and be anything you want in this country. That's exactly what I've done."
                              -Whoopi Goldberg.

Happy Earth Day, my Little Blades!!! I have quoted Whoopi today because the truth is -- the American Dream is alive. As alive as ever -- and though our country has been fumbling as of late -- the dream never dies as long as we keep it alive.

And thus, this day in which we celebrate our earth, I am quoting Whoopi because what she said about America is true of the environment. We can come from anywhere and make this world into anything we want it to be. So long as we have a dream. So long as we care. So long as we believe.

So... today, pick up a piece of trash. recycle your old papers and don't drive if you don't have to. Sign legislation that you believe in so that together we can make a change in this country and the great wide world beyond.

NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) is a great place to start. They have a fantastic website and are always doing all they can daily to make this world a healthier place to live in. For animals and wildlife and human beings. Together. So is BioGems Defender.

Do what you can. 

And when people tell you that you're a dreamer, tell them what John Lennon said, "I'm not the only one."

I am here too. And I am fighting the good fight to make this world healthier and happier so that it may last longer and be around for our great-grandchildren.

It begins with one person. Just like the American Dream. And dreams -- they're contagious. Spread the word today. You'll be happy you did!

Love... Always.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"Your achievement is a gift to the world."
- Mark Roberts.

...And on this particular day, my gift is Gatsby. Feeling the achievement of "raising" a loving and kind dog. Gatsby makes everyone who is lucky enough to chance upon his path in life smile!

And thus, on a sunny, cool day like today when I feel a bit under the weather, I lie down on the couch writing and Gats lies all scrambled up in a cozy furball on his chair, I glance over and I sigh... Happily sigh.

My first doggie. My baby boy. My Gats. To love and to care for another -- sure signs of growing up.

I am eternally grateful for Gatsby. And for what he has taught me each and every day -- that loving another is the golden path to happiness. And I shall take this love I have for my Gats and spread it across the world.

I know I am making room in my heart for my love of my life -- the human kind! Because since adopting Gats over 3 years ago, my heart has expanded. It's like the actual organ is making room. For a husband and then for my children.

Wow. 

These are exciting things to say -- for someone who has been so (pun intended) doggedly independent.

And I feel the rush, the sway, of my career building up into a crescendo just as I feel my heart grow for love. They are in synch, like two syncopated swimmers diving into the ocean of life.

So... today, as my nose is a bit stuffed, my throat a bit dry, my body a bit tired, I celebrate the achievement of Gatsby. Of caring for another. Of loving  him more than I ever knew possible.

Of seeing my future in the present. Now. This is love. And I am growing so that I may love more and more. I love being a woman on days like this. A woman who claims her ground -- who loves to care for another. Who knows that this is happiness. Who laps it up just as Gatsby laps up his water after a long walk around the reservoir.

The lessons he has taught me are greater than any book. And so, I believe I am a better person for his being my dog.

And thus, I dedicate today's blog to Gatsby. For centering me. And loving me, more than I could ever love myself.

Love... Always.



My 5 things:
1. emailed manager referral
2. 4pm tea with head lit agent
3. reading 12 new pages of movie script
4. deciding upon space/ideas for little beast meeting
5. * wild card -- we shall see!
5b. spoke with editor re: SNIFF
5c. will be mailing memoir excerpt to lit agent in AZ

And most importantly, resting... :)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Marilyn's Words & Olivia's Break-Out.

"Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things fall together."
-Marilyn Monroe.

Last night I found myself watching Grease as I fell asleep...

And as I watched, I found myself admiring Olivia Newton-John, which I think every little girl (and boy!) does because she was so beautiful and sang like a bird...

And then, I remembered that I had read that she was 30 years old when shooting this movie -- playing 17! And I remembered again the miracles that exist in this industry -- that if we believe in something, are right for a role, look and feel and breathe the part... It all can happen.

In other words, there are no boundaries in art (and in this whole wide world) -- only those that exist in our minds. There is no such thing as age and color and religion and body type --

Just ask Judi Dench or Will Smith or John F. Kennedy Jr. (our first Catholic president!) or Roseanne Barr!

All of these people made it -- they became stars -- bright, bright stars because they believed they were. They knew they were.

I've often heard and told the story of Jim Carrey carrying around a $1,000,000,000.00 check he'd written to himself. And he did this -- because he just knew that one day he would/could deposit it. 

And he did.

And all of those people -- who don't necessarily fit the "mold" -- they did it too!

Grease was the highest-grossing movie musical of all time!!!

And she played a part where she was 13 years older -- and she looked amaaaaazing.

Just a reminder: the impossible is always possible. 

We just need to always remind ourselves of what Marilyn once said:

"Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things fall together."

I sometimes hear myself feeling frustrated and then, I remind myself of how far I have come and what I have accomplished and of how close I have come. And I think -- good things do fall apart -- but yes... I have learned this in the past -- that better things do fall together.

So... tomorrow I have a meeting with a wonderful top literary agent at 4pm. I am SO excited to sit down with him and to learn from him.

And I am continuing to put my feelers out there for the best manager for me.

And I am always always always reminding myself -- better things are falling together.

Olivia danced and sang and acted her big heart out and defied age barriers and Marilyn -- she always managed to have better things fall together -- what a comedienne!!!

And with these two in my heart... I shall soar along. 

And may you all. Just remember -- what you once considered your "garbage" -- can indeed be your "gift." 

p.s. My new theater company is no longer called Little Oak. It is now called Little Beast. For anyone who knows me, this is perfect, huh?

Love... Always.

Monday, April 19, 2010

My Movie is more than half-way done!!!

"You need your own star vehicle, Kieren."
- Natalie Portman (former Broadway co-star) after watching me in an NYC staged reading of Loose Ends.
(this is a photo from the reading!)

Pendleton-Directed Staged Reading Of Weller’s “Loose Ends” Is A Lesson In The Right Way To Do A Reading
By Ernio Hernandez

"Another bright spot in the cast was Kieren van den Blink (Diary Of Anne Frank, Broadway). As Susan’s best friend, Janice, she was practically an unstoppable force."



...And now it is all beginning to come true!!! This morning I sat in a cafe and poured over the script -- of which Bekah has already written 62 pages!!! And it is lovely and special. And what I have always been looking for...

Dreams are coming true... Beginning to come sparklingly true.

We are looking for investors and/or producers for our movie, tentatively titled:  Happy Birthday/I'm Dead. Let me know if any of you reading this have any ideas!!!

We are open to shooting a trailer, meeting with DP's, producers, the whole thing!!!

This is MAGIC.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Wings on their backs.

this chapter seems apropos as it's a glorious Sunday. Enjoy, my little blades! And yes... those pictures are me. Love... Always.
Wings on their backs
I remember her being exhausted, a lump in the bed. And our neighbors coming to the house, one by one with casseroles -- a word I now only associate with small town churches, with vacuum cleaners ready to vacuum up our fears along with the dust, sometimes they just came to sit by her bed and talk to her. Maybe tell her inane, little stories as refreshing as ice cubes in your Coke when you’re sick and things are unbearably heavy. Our church had a prayer chain and a chain for caring for others who were sick. And whatever bad can be said about religion and churches and gossip and small towns – these people had wings on their backs, I swear.

Of course, our church was as flawed as the next. Our minister cheated on his wife with a woman called Angel Face. Well, I called her that because I was about seven when it happened and my names were purely visual. Angel face wore flowery, feminine, kind of Gunney Sac dresses and she had blond, flowing hair that framed her little face. She was married to Abe Lincoln, and our minister was staying with them while he and his wife separated. When his wife found out that he’d been cheating, she pounced on the wrong woman while church was in session. We actually heard a cat fight, while her philandering husband was in the pulpit delivering a sermon on forgiveness, of all things. She apparently beat up Mrs. Lindberg all around her breasts. Trying to beat the sex out of her, I guess. Too bad she had the wrong woman – who knows if Mrs. Lindberg ever had “the sex” in her to begin with? Now, she had the bruises. For obvious reasons, I took to calling our Presbyterian place of worship, As The Church Turns

But boy, did they turn to the face of God when it came to my mom. They came – like the Who’s down in Whoville. They sang with her and cooked and baked and vacuumed and drove and ran errands for her. They watched movies with her and played songs on the banjo for her and careened around her and prayed for her and she lay there like a princess with a big scar writhing up her stomach that was no longer there. And a princess she was – for all her courage and beauty and for the kingdom that needed her so desperately. We all looked into their bedroom with the greatest of hopes and when she smiled back, it felt like the world was grinning with her. At that moment, our nerves ceased and our breathing went back to normal. She would live. Everything was hopeful. When she felt badly, when she needed a neck rub or when she was nauseous or when her hair started to fall out, when she had diarrhea or when she threw up or when she had gas and the room was unbearable, we felt her days were ticking. A clock we could not stop. We’d try to put her back together again. Stop time. Halt the sickness. Freeze the moment. Make her eternal.

Introducing Eliza.

"We know it matters not what we have been, but this and always this: what we shall be."
- Angelina Grimke Weld


 
My little blades... I hope this finds you all smiling!!! 

I just had yummy wine at The Avalon on Olympic with my dear friend Jesika. And we met a lovely stranger. He dressed so eloquently, he wore old school spats -- black and white -- like old-fashioned cheerleaders shoes. He wore a pin-striped suit. He wore big, brown-ish framed glasses that looked circa '72,  he had the face of a younger, thinner Jack Nicholson. 

And he sat to eat his chicken breast dinner and sip on his wine across from us -- as we sipped on ours.

It was as if he were there -- placed there -- to confirm all of our dreams, our greatest hopes -- like this stranger in pin-stripes was the reflection we wanted to see of ourselves.

We were glowing after we'd left. After he'd asked us questions about ourselves and our loves, our careers, and when he said that he knew what he saw us doing, where we were heading, what we had to hold onto, we in turn felt that he was right.

Isn't it funny how a complete stranger can look right into our hearts -- as if they were made of glass and see through to the true us? The us we want everyone to see? The real us.

He elevated us. He reminded us of why we are here in this town, of what we love about art -- about our best selves in art, about why we'd dressed up in our finest boots and washed our hair and shared my lip gloss and drove off into the Beverly Hills night for barbera wine and pommes frites.

It felt... I might add -- like a New York evening. Except for the poolside, lovely poolside, the sky so bluely, blackly clear above our heads. And the heat lamps ensuring our comfort.

And I told him about my movie I am making -- of which I have not spoke at all lately. So, I am going to give you all a peak into the MAGIC Bekah is creating for me...

THIS is a ROLE I was BORN to PLAY. And to paraphrase Angelina Grimke Weld from above -- this Eliza  is what I shall be.

Enjoy this little sneak peak, my little blades and may we all hold on -- clutch tightly to our dreams and let no one, no thing deter us from our moment in the sun, from our vision... May we all walk on the shoulders of angels and never, never stop believing...

Love... Always.

(p.s. the photo above is our theater company -- the little bird theater company, which produced the play HAPPY BIRTHDAY/I'M DEAD -- which is becoming the movie I will STAR in!!! This is my character ELIZA in this beautiful bright orangey dress :):):)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



INT. A STORE, DAY 

Close-up on ELIZA. 

She speaks to us, honestly. 

ELIZA 
It’s not that I don’t think I’m 
lucky. I know I am. I love my job, 
sort of. I’m healthy. I do not 
have cervical cancer or krone’s 
disease and some people do. I have 
good hair that ponytails well. I 
like my apartment. I’ve had a 
cocktail. Can you tell? I love my 
cat. My friends are good. I don’t 
have to worry too much about money. 
I know I’m lucky I just - It’s just 
that I’m lonely. You know? It’s the 
one thing. That is all. 

Camera pulls back to reveal a SMALL INDIAN MAN standing 
behind the corner at the bodega. He is nodding. 

ELIZA (CONT'D) 
You know what I mean?