Saturday, July 31, 2010

Golden Memories of When I was a Kid...

"I still consider it a summer job, though. So, I try to maintain that summer job as long as I can. But it's exciting to be able to have the opportunity to do things I always dreamed of as a kid." 

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Anatomy of a Dog Walker.

Testament of a Fisherman
I fish because I love to; because I love the environs where trout are found, which are invariably beautiful, and hate the environs where crowds of people are found, which are invariably ugly; because of all the television commercials, cocktail parties, and assorted social posturing I thus escape; because, in a world where most men seem to spend their lives doing things they hate, my fishing is at once an endless source of delight and an act of small rebellion; because trout do not lie or cheat and cannot be bought or bribed or impressed by power, but respond only to quietude and humility and endless patience; because I suspect that men are going along this way for the last time, and I for one don't want to waste the trip; because mercifully there are no telephones on trout waters; because only in the woods can I find solitude without loneliness; because bourbon out of an old tin cup always tastes better out there; because maybe one day I will catch a mermaid; and, finally, not because I regard fishing as being so terribly important but because I suspect that so many of the other concerns of men are equally unimportant - and not nearly so much fun.
-John Voelker (Robert Traver )

(when reading this poem, for me -- replace "fish" with "walk with Gatsby"

what is your testament, my little blades?

I saw the man who wrote this poem -- he also wrote Anatomy of a Murder -- on one of Charles Kuralt's VHS tapes when I was little... And I never forgot it.

The author actually reads his poem over a quite stream where the camera shows him fly fishing... Pretty magical.

I am having a VERY exciting day tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

I send you all, all of my darling Little Blades, Love... Always! 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Traveler's Bookcase.

"Everything we do should be a result of our gratitude for what God has done for us."
Lauryn Hill 

Tonight I went to The Traveler's Bookstore in LA to listen to my favorite poet, Matthew Dickman, fondly called MD, read from his new and old poems...

And one thing that all 3 of the readers/musician said tonight as we all sat and stood around listening was how grateful they were to the owner of the bookstore, how grateful they were to all of us for coming to listen, how grateful they were to be in Los Angeles...

And my friend Caroline and I had been discussing Baby's sagacious words about gratitude on Saturday and so their collective gratitude sounded even more beautiful, more soft marble, more deep blue, more grounded in beautiful things...

And so tonight, I am grateful for the poets who read and sang and shared their souls with us as we sat on a couch and on chairs and on the carpeted floor, as we stood around, leaning on bookshelves, in front of bookshelves, near the front door, near the backdoor, sipping beer and wine, as we munched on cheese and crackers and milk and dark chocolates...

I am grateful to MD for being the "Michael Jackson of Poets." For reminding me of why I heart words. Of why I write. Of why I adore him. Of why when he reads I see that the world promises us more and more every day. That real people exist. And I love them.

I am grateful for Caroline for always being game for a good time.

I am grateful for Breadloaf where I met 3 of my fellow writers who both read tonight and attended the festivities.

I am grateful for my sister who made Breadloaf possible for me.

I am grateful for my friend Jeff with whom I worked on a play after the show.

I am grateful for Gatsby who always welcomes me home with more love than I could ever imagine possible.

I am grateful for you, my little blades, for listening to me, reading me, loving me through your comments and texts and emails and phone calls, for paying attention to me, appreciating me.

I am grateful to the creator for putting me on this earth, that I may spend my time wisely -- creating and loving and being alive, doing my best to make this world a healthier and more tolerant place in which to live and for the generations to come.

Through acting and writing and through having the courage to speak out and break glass ceilings and be honest with the world, may this little beast change the world.

One little blade at a time.

Love... Always...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The matchbook.

"You have an energy spark -- it's like a constant striking of a match."
- Jeff LeBeau.

Tonight my dear friend Jeff and I watched some of my youtube videos -- or rather, he watched them as I sat on the couch, listening to them...

And this was unplanned. Alas, I'd come to his house to help him prepare for this amazing one man show, dramatic monologue he's preparing to star in next month in NYC at The Fringe Festival in the East Village...

And 5 time Oscar Award Nominated DP, Caleb Deschanel, is directing it and is it based on Gary Moore's experience teaching English in China during Tiananmen Square. Fascinating and funny and poignant and he's such a relaxed actor, so elastic -- he's like a beautifu rubber band, flinging himself both emotionally and physically all over the stage...

And yet, here he was -- watching my videos -- googling me and watching my work, without even asking me or focusing on his work.

And he appreciated me. Was like, What do we do with you? You can do comedy, but you are sooo much more than that.

You need to be working all the time.

And the thing is, I feel like this is only the first match. Or maybe the second. The first was NYC. And there is a whole book that is me. But I am beginning... Again.

And tonight, Jeff saw me. And it feels wonderful, exhilarating even, to be seen. Really seen. Appreciated. Someone who asks you the same things you ask yourself late at night or while driving at like 2pm on a Tuesday. Someone who sees in you what you have always seen. Celebrates you.

And so... tonight, I celebrate Jeff. I am SO enjoying helping him prepare for his play. I am enjoying fine-tuning bits, trying new stuff out, stretching Jeff, and going over lines together or working on the clothes he'll wear. It's like a class together.

It's like being in Freddy's class together in Carnegie Hall ten years ago when I just started... In School, a kid.

I was seen tonight, my little blades. And the way I see it -- is when we see ourselves, truly see ourselves, the whole world sees us back.

Feels good.


On this note, my lovely little blades, I wish to seeee you all. To really see you. Appreciate you. Who in your life sees you? The way you see you? Wish to see you when things are feeling like they are falling apart? Or even when things are feeling like they are miraculously falling together? Who sees you?

Maybe thank them today. 

They make the world a cozier, safer, warmer, more loving place.

Thank you E.

And on this note, this little beast must put away her matches and let herself fall happily asleep with her beautiful Great Gatsby by her grateful side...

I send you all Love... Always...

p.s. 5 things:

1. emailed commercial agent to thank her/check in.
2. emailed promos agent to thank her for meeting.
3. emailed director -- meeting on thursday!!!!
4. audition at WME
5. worked with Jeff.


Sunday, July 25, 2010


"I believe that if you work hard and are grateful for where you are in your life, your dreams will find you."
- Jennifer Roberti.

Welp, my little blades, the quote is my best friend's and the star was created for me by my new friend whom I met through Twitter, Jana Kris. A lovely girl who lives in Germany and who creates great cartoons of a charming earthworm...

My bf's words today soothed and inspired me... She lit me up! I SO believe in them. And when I received this picture in my email, I smiled as brightly as a child about to ride on her first roller coaster ride -- pure joy.

And so... I leave you all with this. As I was driving along the 101 past Summerland and along the Pacific Ocean, through the Santa Ynez Valley and along the canyons leading to my cousins' home in Solvang, CA... My best friend and I were chatting about friends and family and dreams and money and children and homes and basically, all the ingredients that make up the recipe called life.

And as I spoke of some things bright and some things seemingly dull, she spoke these words and suddenly, I saw clearly.

I saw how lucky I am.

How beautiful my life is.

How stunning it is to be alive.

To be loved.

To be reaching for my dreams.

To be picking them off the trees like ripe peaches.

To be surrounded by family and friends who embrace me with open arms and reams of love, reams of love.

To be a writer.

To have Gatsby as my co-pilot.

To live in a castle.

To drive a VW bug.

To be the daughter of a Lebanese woman and a Dutch man.

To have a beautiful, successful and endlessly generous sister.

To be with WME.

To be with Arete.

To have old friends like Danny and Jeff and Stefania.

To have new friends like Scotty and Jeffrey and Carolyn.

To be alive.

To be healthy.

To be an actress.

To have dreams as alive as fireflies on an dark east coast night.

To drink a chai tea.

To attend class.

To have attended Barnard.

To go for walks.

To have loved my childhood.

To be a woman.

To be editing my movie.

To smell a lavender rose outside my window.

To chat with a friend.

To shnuggle my niece and nephew.

Ahhh... yes, my little blades... All of these things.

I am grateful. And I shall continue to work hard. 

And tonight... think of ten things you are grateful for. And start -- maybe little by little, beginning your day with gratitude -- 5 things or 10 things. And I promise you that gratitude will be the frame to a much happier day.

Promise you.

Frustration pushes your dreams away. Gratitude welcomes them in.

And then... in comes love.

And on that note, I send you all Love... Always...

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


"I'm a small town boy with a taste for infinity."
-Gary Moore.

I dated a boy, well at the time, I was a girl. We were college kids. And he used to tell me that I was like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. He said I would walk around town with big brown eyes, a stack of books in my arms, and dreams -- dreams bigger than my little town... 

A taste for infinity. Gary and I both share it. Do you, my little blades? Do you?

Something to think of tonight... What is your infinity?

My 5 things:
1. business email
2. business email
3. WME audition
4. Facebooked message to director
5. Worked on Rogue script/wild card -- meaning I may come up with something in the next 4 minutes! 

Welp, my little blades, this belle may watch a little True Blood and then, it's off to bed...

Let's all dream tonight about infinity... What is that for all of us, each of us? Let's dream of expansive hills we can tumble down eternally, of large swimming pools where we can play an endless game of Marco Polo, of a mansion a la Little Orphan Annie where the cabinets are simply bursting with candy and the smell of cinnamon toast swirls throughout the big beautiful rooms... And endless love, endless affection, endless back scratches, endless shnuggling, endless spooning and sleepovers... Mmmm... 

I send you all Love... Always...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

You've gotta see it to believe it.

"I used to drive by here and think, 'That must be the most beautiful swath of houses I've ever seen,' and now -- I live in the house across the street. Those houses will be my view every day of my life."
- Scott Mosenson.

Today I made a new friend. He is at client at WME for VO, just like me. And this morning waiting for our auditions, he told me where he had just moved, and I told him that Gatsby and I walk in that exact neighborhood every day. I told him I'd probably see him later on today. And I did.

Gats and I were roaming across the street from his house and when he walked out, I yelled out his name and before I knew it, we were inside the house, getting a royal tour.

This is one man who knows houses. And himself.

He told me a story about peacocks that will never leave. Peacocks and past lives.

And he told me that this was the view he'd always loved since he moved to Los Angeles in 1990. He'd drive or walk through the verdant and quiet neighborhood of Hancock Park and stop to look at this row of 3 houses. He'd say, "That's the most beautiful swath of houses I've ever seen." And now -- he and his wife and their 3 daughters are moving in.

Those 3 houses will be his view for as long as they live there. And from the looks of the fantastic amount of renovating -- which includes a building a pool in the backyard, I'd say that he will be looking across his lawn to his favorite view for many, many years to come.

I followed my bliss, my little blades, as I walked across the street from his house. I put myself where I want to be. Gatsby loves to suck sprinkler heads and roam freely across the capacious lawns. And I love to loosen his leash and watch him frolic. I also love to pick my favorite homes out and to smell the lavender roses as we stroll along, best friends, the Gats and me. 

And as I did what Joseph Campbell has advised, I got a call from WME that I've booked my 6th VO job in about 7 weeks and then after I left Scott's house, he got his first theatrical audition in "a million years."

We followed our bliss and instant karma. As John Lennon sang. Instant Karma.

My new friend has inspired me. I also fasted today (and most of yesterday by mistake!) for Kabbalah and I must say, that fasting cleared up my head and heart. I slowed down and listened more. I was less driven by reactivity and more inclined to sit back and listen. To my heartbeat and those around me.

And at 8:43pm tonight, pizza never tasted better.

I did my 5 things today, my little blades.

I hope you are all falling in love with your summers, crossing off your lists, and as Joseph Campbell also said:

The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.

Let none of us forget this either. action and gratitude, ambition and quietude, expressing and listening, meditation and hard work.

And just remember -- you must see it to believe it. What is your favorite swath of homes, your favorite TV show, your favorite couple you'd love to emulate when you meet your future love, what is your favorite book, your favorite doggie, country, director, your dream of all royal blue dreams... See it. And it can be yours... And then, you can inspire others to do the same. That we may all be fulfilled and living out our dreams, just as Scott has inspired me. Let me pass it on to you all... I believe in my little blades...

And always, love, love, love.

I send each and every one of my little blades, Love... Always...

Our Bliss.

"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls." 
Joseph Campbell 

Tonight my little blades, I leave you with the words of the immortal, world's leading mythologist, Joseph Campbell. (He was a close friend of George Lucas' and also his book, The Hero's Journey, was Lucas's inspiration for the characters of Star Wars.) He taught at Sarah Lawrence and did some fascinating interviews with Bill Moyers you can buy on DVD. Well worth it.

Anyway, I thought of Joseph Campbell for two reasons: One: Because his former literary agent is reading my memoir. Two: Because this past weekend, I did just that. I followed my bliss.

Because I am seeing this more and more in my life. I actually believe I always have. When I follow my bliss, I am ecstatic. I have the best doggie, the most generous and loving friends, the warmest and most fascinating, affectionate family, two great new agents, a book deal, a spirituality I am falling deeper and deeper in love with, and then... more doors open.

And when I don't follow my bliss, and I question myself and do not listen to myself, none of these things occur.

And thus, tonight I share with you all that I am meeting with a manager next week and I am super excited. I shall follow my bliss.

And I LOVED being with my family in Solvang -- I followed my bliss all the way there.

And I WILL find a way to get to Europe in the next month to visit my sister and her family. Whatever it is, I will find a way.

I shall follow my bliss when I pop into my car and drive along the coast.

When I audition for voice overs and have a blast, free and relaxed and loving the sounds we all make when we connect.

When I write my movie, edit my movie.

When I talk about NBC.

When I have dinner with THE DIRECTOR.

When I fill up my bank account and pay off all of my debt. When I am flush and prosperous and sharing with all of my loved ones and all of the world.

When I fall in love.

Slowly. Like a woman, and not a girl.

I shall be...

Following my bliss.

And on this note, I send you all Love... Always.

p.s. I hope this finds all of you following your bliss... Whatever that may be. I hope this finds you all smiling this summer...

Monday, July 19, 2010

Me too, Linda.

"I had daydreams and fantasies when I was growing up. I always wanted to live in a log cabin at the foot of a mountain. I would ride my horse to town and pick up provisions. Then return to the cabin, with a big open fire, a record player and peace." Linda McCartney 

Sleep tight, my little blades... Love to you all, always...

Friday, July 16, 2010


"Love is all you need."
-Paul McCartney 

Tonight, my little blades, I play for you all my favorite Beatles song. This is the song my Dad used to play for me as I lay falling asleep, my bedroom atop the living room with his lilting piano playing...

Sleep tight, my little blades. dream big, beautiful, bursting dreams... And always remember what Paul said, because in the end, I am learning more, day by day, that indeed... Love is all we need.

Love... Always.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Righting a Wrong.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
-Mark Twain 

I am righting a wrong this week, my little blades. I made a promise and then, something happened and as a result, I broke it. It got hard. There was a mess up. A change of plans occurred as a result. I didn't feel I could do it. I hurt someone/someones feelings.

I will do all I can to right this wrong.

I love these people beyond words. And want to be with them.

I will right this wrong. I will love and through my love, I will work, and through my work, I will be with them. Again.

May we all have the courage to forgive ourselves, to work really hard, to have a fire that burns so strong inside of ourselves that our dream must come true. Has to come true.

I must, I must, I must increase my trust.

Love... Always.

p.s. I am chugging along career-wise -- meeting with a talent manager in a week and a half, phone conference tomorrow with friend/head of publicity at studio, to discuss referrals, recorded animated pilot presentation this morning, great lunch today with friend Randy Spendlove, Head of Music at Paramount, he gave me great ideas, met Chad Hodge today -- will send him thank you tomorrow and to Aaron Kaplan -- recorded their animated pilot!

...But most importantly on this list: Making this trip happen. Righting a wrong. Loving them beyond space and time and showing it.