"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing."
I met with my teacher Shalom on Monday at noon. And amongst other things too profound to mention at the moment, he compelled me to open your heart.
He had me speak to him without moving my arms around, without looking away.
I had to face him as I spoke from my heart. And the tears started pouring out. It turns out, I was feeling sooo many things, but moving around and using lots of words and avoiding eye contact, I was avoiding me. How I felt.
Perhaps in those moments I was, as Chagall warned, coming from my head. And thus little was created. But when I was still and I spoke to my teacher directly and from my heart, with utter honesty and care, everything worked. Perhaps a little too well -- as I found myself overwhelmed with emotion, but dare I say, I was enlivened. I felt anew. I felt simple and vulnerable and true.
I was reminded of what my acting teacher the late, extraordinary Freddy Kareman always always said:
1. Stay out of your head.
2. Leave yourself alone.
3. Make contact.
And this is alas what I did with Shalom. And boy, was I in the moment.
And I've since been revivified. Called to action anew. Writing/emailing potential literary agents for my memoir. Asking for referrals for a talent manager. I feel in my body. In my heart. Connected again.
Back on track.
And in those moments in his office, I felt like blllleeeccchhh. But something hardened was broken. And something honest was healed.
And so, my little blades, I feel this extraordinary leap towards the new world I have been working towards all year with you all along with me. I can feel it -- I cooked dinner for my neighbors Sunday night, I expect to book big jobs now -- because I have been, I am looking into new cars, I am ready for my house, for my man, for my career. To take off.
And I suppose that deep within the recesses of my heart, I needed to be opened up again.
And I was.
Zoiks is how I felt.
And then, I realized that some of the things that had been "frustrating" me no longer did. I wanted to call a friend I hadn't spoken to in a year and reconnect.
I was sooo no longer upset with another friend.
My ego felt washed away with the houses along the Broad Beach drive in Malibu where Gatsby and I attempted a beach walk this afternoon...
Yep. All for a reason, my little blades.
It's not about being ready, I feel. No more. It is about -- I am about -- being here. Now. This is the time. Not bread that is in the oven baking, rather bread that is sitting on the counter, perfectly.
And the best hands in the world are about to scoop me up. They are scooping me up.
I am scooped.
And so... this is the blog of the night:
From our hearts, we must come. I was even reading this interview with all 3 Twilight series stars in Entertainment Weekly, and Kristen Stewart -- I enjoyed her comments because she was so honest. So from her heart. And whether it was awkward or smart or funny or -- whatever it was, she spoke from her heart. IN this one article. And I thought of Freddy's class -- and take your time, make contact, stay out of your head, leave yourself alone.
Wish me luck on my commercial audition tomorrow, my little b's. I will be doing all 3 of these things.
This is our time.
It is our hearts that will change the world. And our heads that will write the changes.
Tonight I am enlivened. I hope you all are too.
p.s. I emailed 3 people about talent managers, and I am emailing 6 literary agents tomorrow. And -- I went on Craig's List to earn money. Yes, my little blades, I am a bread loaf (hehe) on the counter. And I am working to afford the best counter I have ever imagined.
On that note, I shall dream of my dreams tonight... May you all dream shiningly of yours.