Saturday, February 20, 2010

-- May Lamberton Becker

Hi guys... as I sit here watching The Olympics, I've been wondering  what to write about today. Because admittedly, I have 3 blogs to write -- because I have two to catch up on. And I have promised to write 365 days -- a full year as I live out my dream of being a: millionaire, a movie star, and a best-selling author!!! In case you forgot -- Lord knows I haven't.

And then, I started thinking about conversations I have been having with friends lately -- one friend's dog was sick and one friend broke up with her boyfriend, one friend just moved in with hers and one friend who is ready to meet her husband... And through all of this, I have been noticing not only how they are all growing up -- they've said things like:

I have to be on my own because I have some bad habits I need to break before I am ready to settle down.


It's scary to be loves so much.


If I don't get this job, then I know that I wasn't meant to -- that I will have faith and I will book something that is meant for me.

And all the while, I am sitting beside them or texting with them or chatting on the other end of the IPhone or reading an email... And I am thinking -- myreaction to all of this is changing. Like I am all of these friends. I have not gotten the gig -- and then had utter faith that I would book the next one. And I have been scared of being so loved and I've broken a few hearts and I am ready to meet my husband. 

But the thing is... I am so full of certainty that I am not so afraid as I once was. I was saying this morning in the car with my friend Lucy, that the entire world looks and smells and feels sooo different when you are sure of where you are headed. you write differently. You speak differently. And perhaps most importantly, you endure challenge SO much better -- meaning with so much more grace and not victim-y like back in the day. 

And so, when I am composing all of my lists, I am reaching out now to a special group of friends to ask for a referral for a talent manager. And I am also doing research on my own to find one. But the way I am doing it is with absolute certainty that I will find the best. And soon. Because that's what I am.

And this -- and for those of you who have known me for years -- this is NEWfor me. Or rather -- like the theme of the blog, this is what I was once. I was once this little girl who knew that she was da bomb. Though I most assuredly did not use those words as I ambled across my backyard with those chunky munk chicken stock legs and made my way onto the swings!

But this is what I was -- unique and self-assured and super/hyper/irresistibly creative. Always with an idea up my sleeve -- after all, this is the girl who used to charge her Dad 10 cents for a back rub and an extra 5 cents for combing his hair.

And then, when I took a few years off from acting and came back into it -- I was a bit trepidatious. I had lost a bit of my sparkle. And when I was studying in New York, I was ALL SPARKLE.

The other day in Jury Duty, I ended up sitting next to my former next door neighbor. What the f are the chances that I walk into this large jury assembly room and all I see is this one open spot and so I sit down and as I am sighing and settling in, putting my bag down and taking my coat off, I look to my left and there's Jenny -- who lived next door to me!!! And whose lovely art work was in our theater company's December show!!! 

As I always say, no coincidences in this world. Only magic. Perfection. Even when it's painful and stupidly torturous and sickly annoying, Perfection. 

And as we were sitting there, we were both like -- Why did we end up sitting side by side today at jury duty?  And as she asked what I was up to, and I spilled all the juicy details you've all been privy to -- and I told her that it has been taking longer out in LA than it did in NYC when I was understudying on Broadway within two years... I said to her -- I think it's because I am being prepared for something much much bigger out here.  

And Jenny was quiet. And then, she looked at me for a moment. And said, "I think it's because now you are building a skyscraper for yourself. And they take longer to build."  And she lifted her arms up into the air and build my skyscraper with her hands. And I saw it too. I said, Yah, Jenny. That makes sense. In New York, I built like a -- a brownstone." 

And I believed. With certainty. I do. 

And thus, yesterday: 
1. I have emailed 2 friends about a talent manager. 
2. I continue to connect with an award-winning playwright with whom I'd LOVE to work. Would skin a live gerbil to work with. (just kidding!) 
3. I I researched a talent manager I'd like to meet.
4. I chose my theatrical headshot -- for TV and film. I'll show you all next week!
5. I set up a meeting with a great casting director. She casts Entourage.

And I have heard from a bunch of you readers -- and your texts and facebook messages and emails and comments and phone calls -- they all MAKE MY DAY. Thank you for letting me inspire you... because invariably your words inspire me right back.

Skyscrapers, guys... nothing less than skyscrapers.

This is who we were meant to be.

Loooove... always! 

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