Sunday, January 31, 2010

Oscar, Marianne, Booker T., and me.

Hello my cyber-friends, tonight i find myself wondering exactly what to write about. And I think that perhaps Oscar Wilde said it best. Art can feel more real than life. Because when you are performing, you are your most real. Life takes a back seat. Everything is dilated, outlined, highlighted. More somehow real.

And the only way to create EXTRAORDINARY ART is to be fearless. And it can be petrifying. Utterly. Sometimes a business email or a phone call can seriously scare me because I'm thinking -- oh my gosh, what if this actor says no? what if this director's offended? what if I stretch my heart sooo far and the part doesn't happen and my heart is like a stretched out flourless sack?

But then, this is exactly when we must press on with the most LOVE. For ourselves frankly. Because when we truly love ourselves -- this is when we are loving the whole wide world beyond us. When we are stretching beyond ourselves, we are the best version of ourselves.

It's like that Marianne Williamson quote: (picture in upper left hand corner)

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Thus, tomorrow morning when I make that phone call to THE DIRECTOR, I know what I am going to say. I am GOING TO SAY IT. And I've decided that even if he doesn't answer, I will leave the voicemail of my lifetime. I know it in my heart and I will say it as bravely and honestly as I can. Because this is the only time in life that things happen for us -- MAGIC. Is when we take that breathtaking leap and GO FOR IT.

This is precisely how I booked my role in the senior play in high school. How I got into Barnard. How I ended up with William Morris and Broadway as my first agency and gig. How I defied the "norm" when I did was because of an inexorable truth, which is I believe in me. That I am a star.

And anyone who is reading this -- I believe in you too. Faith, certainty -- they are reflexive. Believing in me invariably means I believe in you too.

Tomorrow 3 things:

1. Phone call and/or Voicemail to THE DIRECTOR
2. Email CELEBRITY FRIEND to ask for Sniff book endorsement. Zoiks!!!
3. 25 questions I shall answer about my character Eliza in my movie "Happy Birthday/I'm Dead" as I prep for my STARRING ROLE.

And alas... I begin my day tomorrow volunteering at a school downtown with SFK -- Success For Kids. My friend Jade and I are going to be volunteering as aides in a classroom full of Hispanic students who are at a "high risk" of failing out of school. They are in the 3rd grade. I am SO excited to meet them all. And to begin my day making a tremulous phone call juxtaposed with helping children who are most likely pretty tremulous themselves...
It's like Booker T. said, when we want to lift up ourselves, we need to lift up others.

And so, tomorrow morning, I shall.

Good night my friends. Sleep with the angels.