"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal."
-- Albert Pike (Freemason.)
Today was an interesting mix of sentiments. First of all, I got to sit in coffee bean this morning and write in my journal, then I had a 2 hour session with a coach, then I came home quickly and rushed off to tutor and then a pedicure and then home where Gatsby had pooped on the rug. Was not remotely happy with my doggie when I opened the door and smelled his impatience. It is SO time for a new rug. Zoiks.com
And then we played ball in the courtyard and I went o Ralph's for some food shopping and now I have the special features of Crash on in the background.
It was also a day of let down or waiting or something like that. I have sooo many exciting things about to happen -- it's all starting to feel like a sneeze... My memoir, my kid's books, my TV audition, my forthcoming big movie audition, my essay I submitted Saturday to Modern Love. The manager whom a dear friend/big beautiful star called on my behalf. The big lawyer whom I am meeting with next week. The web series I star in, which debuts on my birthday, March 11th. My MOVIE. Which Bekah continues to write.
A lot going on.
And I am STOKED about it all. Except -- well, actually -- not an except -- an "and" really, and today felt like a day of recharging or wondering when it was all going to gloriously burst open. Hatch. Colorize. Be.
I have to say what I do not abide by is that there is a should to life -- when really all we have is the is.
1. Light. I truly believe that we emit more light into universe when we honor our timing and our uniqueness and our own beauty. Because when we are thinking -- Oh my gosh, This is when I should've done this Or this is when this should've happened for me or I wish this happened before or Why didn't this happen before? Or will this ever happen? Or why is this happening now? The truth is -- this is perfect. There is a divinity to it all. And so, when someone said to me recently, I know why you haven't done lots of TV and Film roles recently, I responded with spiritually, I know why. And now is the perfect time. Now is the moment.
And I bet each person who makes it when they make it could tell you the exact same thing -- there was a readiness in me then, there was an instinct, a knowingness, everything was leading up to it and I felt it in my heart that this was the time. And it was. And even when people in interviews say things like -- I was going to stop acting or looking for that girl or I was done trying to get pregnant or I was completely in the dark about how I was going to make my next step or what it even was going to be -- and boom. They are cast, they get a phone call, they are, pregnant, they find the girl, they discover the opening for their book, I totally was quiet and then, kind of like magic, I just knew what my next step was going to be. And then, there is light.
And even when we are SO like -- c'mon -- where is this leading? We know. I swear -- I keep thinking about what my former neighbor Jenny Miller said to me:
"You are building a skyscraper, Kieren." And this takes time. She made the building with her fingers in the sky.
And I think of Sandra Bullock who made it as an actress in her late 20's and just last night almost 20 years later, she won her first Academy Award. This was just her time.
The longer and harder we work for something and work in a way that is on ourselves -- who are we and what are we here for and how can we best serve the world while we are lucky enough to be here -- then, those skyscrapers we soar into the skies an all will be revealed.
And I am feeling this now.
Why now is the time. Why it is all happening together.
Because I am embracing me. All of me. What makes me utterly unique. I am sounding my "barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world."
So... actually, this is what I will leave us with tonight. That LIGHT is revealed from us into the world the more we courageously work on ourselves and share, share, share with the world around us. The more we are our AMAZING selves. And have the courage to vociferate our dreams -- and not give up.
One of my best friends lately told me that she was getting disheartened by pilot season and testing for pilot upon pilot and not booking anything -- and I said to her, "You and me. We can not afford to be disheartened. Most of the world would kill to be us. To be young and healthy and going after our dreams."
I mean, the truth is -- my dog has cleaner drinking water than most of the world.
I repeat. We can not afford to be disheartened.
We are the lucky ones.
1. Called lawyer about my residuals.
2. Called lawyer about representing me for my books and my movie.
3. Morning coaching
5. followed up on manager referrals/letter to former VO agent -- telling her I am disappointed in her for not having the courage to call me herself. That she is more than that.
Because we all are. And feeling the burning need to tell her is how much I have grown -- because it is not helping her to let that lack of communication go... It is actually loving to be honest. From L O V E.
What a day, my little blades.
By The Way... The picture of the sheep is there just because. I'd been looking someone up on Facebook -- and the guy holding the sheep has the same name as the guy I was looking for -- and so, I dragged it to my screen, to save the sheep. Digitally. Hehe. The truth is, my sister and I have a little crush on sheep. In Dutch, they are called schaap. And I miss her -- far away -- so I posted the pic.
Love to you all... And may tomorrow be the actual sneeze. Where phone calls and emails and LOVE pours in... After, my birthday is in 3 days -- and WHAT A PRESENT IS: THE MOVIE, THE TV SHOW, THE MEMOIR, THE KID'S BOOKS, And -- most importantly, LOVE.
It is time to meet LOVE again. I know it's LA -- a tough city... But, he's gotta be out there. Even if he goes to NYC a bunch... Because in my heart -- and soon in my body -- I got there too.
Happy Happy 3 days to me!!! And to all of us -- here is a chance, a new year -- to get it right.
Let's do it, blades, let's sound our barbaric yawps over the roofs of the nation. If Obama can get elected, if Kathryn Bigelow can win the Academy Award, if Sandra can 20 years later win her Best Actress Award, if Susan Boyle can knock K$sha off the charts, if Mandela can be freed after 27 years in jail, if Meryl at 60 is opening movies, if Ellen can be openly gay and a huge TV star, if... Times, they are a-changin'... Let's all remember -- we need to break the glass ceilings. All of us. We owe it to our generation and to the next.
Let's share our light -- and illuminate this often dark world... Leave it a bit more beautiful because we lived here. And shared ourselves with as many human beings as possible.